Let the Clapping Begin

Once a year, the President and Congress of the United States gather for one of the most choreographed spectacles in modern political tradition. Every word, inflection and blink are carefully planned and intended to deliver a particular message. This is the first time in his tenure that the President must give his State of the Union speech to a Congress controlled by the Democratic Party.

President Bush began by congratulating Nancy Pelosi on becoming the first female Speaker of the House of Representatives, and was greeted by a roar of applause from the crowd. The much anticipated “surge” was “explained”. Mr. Bush stated that he plans to opt for a more bi-partisan approach to governing for the last quarter of his Presidency – as if he had a choice.

For the television audience, the most irritating aspect of the night is the barrage of applause that accompanies the speech. For comedians, this is the best opportunity to find material, for it is inevitable to avoid a few miscues, even with all the calculations. The President pauses, and waits for the clapping to begin only to realize that he must move on while a few loyal souls begin the late show of appreciation.

A few friends of mine from other countries ask why there is so much clapping. The only answer I have is that American politics is so diplomatic and politically correct within the domestic confines, that our representatives need some opportunity to vent. The British are known for screaming and pounding on their desks in the Hall of Parliament. The Taiwanese are no strangers to physical altercations while the assembly is actually in session. Everybody was Kung Fu fighting. Notice the political correctness ends at our borders.

Apparently this year's installment of the State of the Union was milder than in previous years. The carefully selected cues for the members of Congress to stand up an applaud were fewer in number than any of Bush's State previous speeches.

This year was full of moments to cherish forever. At one point, the President pointed towards and spoke of NBA star Dikembe Motombo, who had sneeked his way next to the First Lady for a well crafted photo opportunity showing the towering center standing beside Laura Bush. Motombo is well known for the charitable work that he has done in his native Congo. The best part of it was that Mr. Motombo, who is well over seven feet tall was also standing next to Secretary of Labor, Elaine Chao, who looked about half his size, if that.

This brings back warm memories of when our President used his annual address to warn us of the dangers posed by steroids in sports. This was prior to his informal testimony in support of Raphael "juiced" Palmeiro.

Perhaps the President will use next year's speech as the appropriate time to talk about the unfinished third season of Chapelle Show.

But two moments, or lack thereof, stuck out in my mind. There was not one mention of Hurricane Katrina and the man-allowed tragedy that followed. The destruction of New Orleans is the defining failure of the American President and of the American people. And not one mention for the ruins of the once great city.

And finally, for those who watched the President walk his way out of the gallery, he was clearly visible signing autographs for members of Congress. As if the night was not already enough of a spectacle. An American tradition. An exercise in dignity. A work in progress.

In related news, the War in Iraq continues, healthcare costs continue to rise, the ice caps are melting, the debt is increasing, China is blowing up Satellites, and New Orleans in still in ruins. Maybe Dikembe can help us out.

Less applause this year. Less to clap about.

More to come...

The World Is a Cold Place

For those of you who are not on the east coast of the US, winter has just begun and the reactions have so far been mixed. Everyone is bundling up and complaining about the bitter chill but expressing some relief that things are back to normal.

I once walked home from middle school wondering why my nuts were freezing only to discover that my fly had been open all the way home. I do not know how that relates but lets pretend it does.

I was watching "an inconvenient truth" by al gore a few days ago and was confronted with the dangers of living our current existence, which if left unchecked will move most of Greenland to New York harbor in the form of liquid water. In other news, Allstate Insurance has decided that they will no longer insure homes in the east Bronx as a result of hurricane risks. Perhaps they saw the movie as well. Maybe we just need to complain about the weather.

If the most powerful icebreaker of everyday conversation leaves us temporarily happy, then we are confronted with the need to blame our shitty moods on other things than the wind and rain. Ourselves perhaps? Would we really be happier in southern California? Or Bangalore for that matter? Do we really want mild climate and sun for most of the year? I for one grew up with my head in the boiler and my feet in the icebox.

I bet now is a wonderful time to buy property in Kansas. How about Mongolia? Apparently the jet stream can be shut down. All it needs is for enough ice to melt and cool down the north Atlantic and we'll all be living along the equators again. But only for a few hundred years - not a real ice age. That movie was retarded by the way. The first one begins when everything starts to freeze and in the sequel everything starts melting down? What kind of lame excuse for an ice age is this? Unless of course those creatures lived for thousands of years. If that's the case then it's the best movie since Groundhog Day. I wonder if inundation would lead to a reduction in crime in the Bronx. Is this a sign that we have been delaying space colonization for too long? I doubt it. Not enough third world countries with millions of starving children have sent up space probes for that to be plausible. But then again the space program gave us tang and Velcro. Yum and fun.

The Chinese have exploded their own satellite and the Americans are very worried. Word on the street is that the Chinese and the Russians have been trying to sign a weapons test ban treaty for years now and that the United States is unwilling to relinquish its "right" to blow things up in space. China appears to be exercising their right at the moment. The next step would be the match the American capacity to destroy orbiting satellites with ground-based lasers.

People who do not believe in global warming are often the people who do not believe in evolution. While speaking with family relation, who happens to hold a Master of Science in Zoology, I was informed that by the standards of evolution, the Amoeba is a more advanced species than a human. If the ability to stay alive – self-preservation, immortality for some, is the point of existence for a species, then our microorganism friends are much better at it than we sentient mammals are. After conceding that the Amoeba was a superior being to a human, I could not help but sit back in amazement at this zoologist challenge evolution – not to mention the Western conspiracy of global warming as a plot to keep the underdeveloped countries of the world…underdeveloped.

According to the New York Times, every year, about 80 cubic miles of Arctic ice melts into the Sea. At this rate, the global sea level will rise by one foot in about two centuries. But this rate is almost certain to increase. For one thing, the amount of CO2 put into the atmosphere will only increase as India and China race to get their share of the petroleum pie. Americans will never learn to drive reasonable vehicles. But even more important is the fact that water absorbs more heat than ice. Ice is white and therefore reflects most of the sunlight. A frozen Arctic bounces these rays back into space. A melted Arctic is mostly blue and sometimes black – no chance to reflect. All the suns rays are absorbed and accelerate the melting of the Arctic ice.

Don’t even get me started on El Niño

I hope the yang of this winter's ying will be a nice July blizzard. Surf’s up cowboy!